13 Reasons Why : The message behind the series.

Hi guys! Today I want to talk to you about the new hit-series “13 Reasons Why”.

First of all. What a performance. I loved how the actrice of Hannah Baker played the role of a lost girl in a crowded school perfectly. The series was fantastic. The fact that everything had a colder colour in the present day and that the world had a brighter colour when Hannah was still alive was an amazing touch. I loved the fact that Clay always watched what happened to Hannah from a third person perspective while she was telling her story on the tapes, also referring to the fact that Clay always watched but didn’t have the guts to do something when Hannah was still alive. The series was amazing and I was sad when it ended. It ended with a lot of open storylines and I have a double feeling about this. On the one hand I would really love a second season because this series is seriously addictive. But on the other hand, I would rather have it stop here because maybe a second season would soften the message behind the series and maybe it would make people look away from the real problem this series brings.

The message behind this series was very very strong. I also have been bullied when I was younger but I had the incredible luck of having a mother that would keep asking what’s wrong until I got tired of the sentence “There’s nothing wrong, I’m just tired.” This series is very hard to watch at some times. It’s sometimes so hard to watch that you get uncomfortable. But I think that that’s what makes the series so good. It really wants you to remember and think about the fact that bullying is not okay. It can have extreme consequences and it can kill someone, literally. And you don’t have to look at this series as if it is all bullshit. Don’t think that this wouldn’t happen in real life, because it happens every day. Suicide is the second most common death cause for teenagers. Teenagers are just learning who they are and exploring their personality. This makes those teens extremely vulnerable for bullies. If you are a little different or if you don’t fit in the way other kids do, you become a target. And this is not over-exagerated because trust me I am a first hand witness of these kind of practices. Bullies are everywhere, in every school, in every classroom. Why do they bully other kids? Who knows. Maybe they are insecure themselves, maybe they are jealous or maybe they just want to fit in with the rest of the class and think that that’s the way to do it. But the problem with these people is that they don’t realize how even little things can have a snowball effect in peoples lives. How little things like talking behind someone’s back while the person being talked about clearly sees it, can have a serious effect on someone’s mental health. So I have 2 messages here. I have a message for the bullies, not only the active bullies but also the jealous ‘talk behind your back’ bullies. And I have a message for the victims.

First of all the bullies. Just stop hurting people who don’t deserve it. Who are different from you. I know that this might seem threatening to you that someone isn’t like the rest of you, that someone looks better than you or that someone is maybe a better person than you. But why do you have to scar someone for the rest of their lives and maybe even push them into a corner leading to the fact that they think the only way out for them is suicide. Is that really worth it? Hurting someone that much? Stop treating people like dirt and like they don’t matter. Every person matters in this world and if you don’t treat other people right, how do you expect others to treat you the right way? Also, don’t believe everything you hear. If you believe one’s perspective without looking at what the other person has to say about it and if you base your actions on that one probably twisted and turned perspective… You are as bad as the bully trying to convince you that the girl in your class is a nerd, slut, whore or weirdo. You can be the reason for someone hurting and isolating themselves. You can be the reason for someone having to cry themselves to sleep every night and faking that she is sick so that she wouldn’t have to go to school that day. You can be the reason for the girl in the corner not having anyone to talk to because you convinced everybody that she is stupid, lame and weird. You can be the reason why that one boy in class has nobody to work with on a project. You can be the reason why someone’s life ends. So, instead of the bullying and talking behind someone’s back. Just go to the person and say “Hello”. You don’t have any idea how good it feels if someone just takes an interest in you and talks to you for a few seconds when you feel lonely or depressed. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. You don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life. Maybe there’s a reason for her acting weird, maybe there’s a reason for her being so silent all the time. And if you are scared that other people will bully you because you talked to the weird girl (which is fucking bullshit but anyways), just send her (or him) a message on facebook. “Hi! How was school today?”. That’s all it takes for someone to not take the next step, the final step. Instead of investing all that time in destroying someone else’s reputation and regretting it later. Instead of listening to all the gossip someone is spreading about someone without hearing what that someone has to say about it. Instead of looking at her or him that certain way (you know how… Like there’s shit on his or her’s head or something). Just. Say. Hi. Don’t invest time in scarring people’s personality, confidence and soul. Because it has consequences. If it isn’t suicide, it is a scar for the rest of her or his life. And it will never heal, doesn’t matter how much you try. The scar will always be there. Invest time in BEING NICE TO EVERYONE. And you will get so much in return. Just try it and stop the bullying. And if you aren’t convinced, just watch this series. And then come back to this post.

Now. The message for the victims of bullying. If you are in anyway being bullied or if you have been bullied and you don’t see a way out. Just try to tell yourself that it gets better. Life has it’s ways of fucking people over. And it uses other people to do it. Don’t care about what other people say. I know that is very very easy to say, trust me. But just try and remember that those bullies and backstabbing people are more insecure than you and probably hate themselves more that they can’t stand you. They are feeling threatened by you and they want to destroy you to protect themselves from falling. They want to bully you, so that they aren’t bullied or because they like fucking with people. They are just bad people, to the core. They like bullying because it gives them a sense of power over you. They like talking behind your back because they don’t have anything interesting in their lives to talk about. I know it’s very very hard to think, I’m better than them, they are insecure themselves, I don’t care. But just think about it. How pathetic are they if the only thing they have to talk about is other people. How pathetic is it that they talk shit about someone else because they feel better that way. It’s just extremely pathetic. Think about it this way. If you get through this, and you keep fighting and going, you can prove them wrong someday. The bullies will never get as far as you. They know that you are better than them and that’s why they want to pull you down, so that they can stay on top. But trust me, there will be one day that you will stand on top. They will want to talk to you then, but you just will not bother. Think about how AMAZING that feeling would be. Isn’t that worth all the pain?

Also, if you feel bad and you can’t get a hold of yourself, please just TALK to someone. ANYBODY. Your parents, they love you so much. And even though it might sometimes seem as if they don’t care, they are busy, they don’t have time. They will ALWAYS make time for you if you are suffering. Just tell them what’s wrong. And if you can’t find the words, just look at them, start crying and let it all out. They will drop everything in an instant because you are their child. They would die for you. And I am not making this up, every parent loves their child. Just talk to them. They will do everything in their power to make you feel better. You want to know why, because they LOVE YOU.

If you don’t want to talk to a person, talk to your pet. I have always told everything to my pet because he didn’t judge. He was always there when I felt bad. Just Talk to somebody. It really really helps. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, just dare to go to a psychologist or a therapist. Or go onto a talk platform online where you are anonymous. Hell, you can even talk to me if you like. I will always answer and never judge because I know how it feels to be bullied and lonely. Just remember that it isn’t worth it. Don’t let the bullies win, life gets better every time. Even though it might seem that it is never going to get better, it does. Just trust me on this. I know what I’m talking about. I have been through it and I survived and I am happy now. Don’t do something you’d regret and don’t hurt the people that love you (because there ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU) in the process. Just don’t take the step into suicide, it’s not worth it and there is always a second chance. Change schools, talk to someone or write about it like I did. There is always an option. Suicide isn’t one of the options.

I also highly recommend you to watch this series and realise that there are so many people feeling sorry for their mistakes and so many people hurting when you’d do something like this.

If there is ever something you want to talk about with me. Don’t feel ashamed to send me an e-mail or PM on instagram. I will always take the time to answer every single one of you if that helps you feel better.

Thank you for reading and watch this amazing series. It’s one of those series that might change the world.

XOXO

Laura(Licious)

BLOG : UPDATE

Hi guys!

I want to say something. I have the feeling that I have been letting myself down a little bit. I am a little lazy and I don’t have a lot of inspiration lately because of the fact that I overthink a lot of things and there is no place left in my brain to generate new ideas. This is resulting in the fact that I have been neglecting my blog and youtube account. I really love writing and expressing myself through writing and filming. Sometimes I don’t even get a hold of myself because of the mere fact that I have too many ideas. This isn’t the case lately. I really want to push myself to write more and make more creative material not only because it is my passion but because it makes me happier. It is kind of a vicious circle. I am to lazy to write, so I don’t write resulting in the fact that I get less happy and motivated resulting in the fact that I still. Don’t. Write. And not only this but the fact that I am really insecure about my writing ability and talent to entertain people stops me from doing what I love. I am really insecure about what I am good at or not good at. I never think anything is good enough to post and I never want to post things that aren’t perfect. I always want my ideas to be very original and cool, and I don’t want to share things that aren’t original or perfect. I am just a difficult person I guess (ask my friends and former friends haha). Normally I don’t really care about what other people think of what I do or what I say, but in this case it’s different. Writing makes you vulnerable in a way that you sometimes express feelings and emotions that you are to scared to share with the world. And I know that I don’t always have to write about heavy things, and I also like writing about more light stuff, but I do like to write about it. It is a way to express my feelings and I have done it my whole life. The only difference with when I was younger is that I now share my writing with you guys. I know that you will never judge me by what I write in my blogposts and that you will never gossip about it (and I don’t care about people gossiping), but it’s just harder to write knowing that people are going to read it. I also know that I don’t HAVE to post everything but I like sharing my life with the world. I always have, that is part of the reason that I was bullied. So sometimes writing a blogpost gives me mixed feelings.

But I realize now that I need to put everything aside. I love writing and I love sharing. That’s all. I need to stop overthinking things and just go with the flow, so that is exactly what I am going to do. You guys are going to hear a lot more of me. I am going to sometimes write a smaller blogpost just about what I did that day, what I wore that week or what I made myself for dinner that week. But don’t worry, I will never stop talking about the more serious things in life because I am of the opinion that someone has to write about them and I really like helping people. And I hope that me sharing my experiences in life sometimes helps you feel better or makes you change things in your life.

Sorry for the lack of creativity and posts. I promise you it will change!

See you very soon!

XOXO

Laura(LICIOUS)

A day in the week of Laura #1

Hi guys! I got the idea to start a new series called : A day in the life of Laura. I will write you guys about my day in a blogpost so that you guys get to see what I like to do and that you guys can see that I’m just an ordinary human being like all of you.

10:30 AM : I wake up with my boyfriend lying next to me wondering what time it is. We would normally wake up at 9 AM to go do some sports at the fitness centre. But I have this feeling that it isn’t 9 AM. I wouldn’t know what time it is because I don’t wake up from an alarm clock in the morning. Don’t ask me why but I just think my body refuses to get out of bed. I wake up my boyfriend and ask him if he knows the time because my phone is charging in the other room. My boyfriend takes a glance at his phone and like I thought it isn’t 9 AM, it’s 10:30. That’s my boyfriend’s fault. He turned of the alarm clock when we had to wake up and fell asleep again. YAY, no sports today! Okay, maybe not so yay, because I really need to go do some sports because I want to have a rocking bikini body by summer. I am already eating really healthy, making healthy juices and working out at least 1 time a week. But the working out part needs to be more. I am going to do a Blogilates youtube video after writing this post so that my body does get some exercise today.

11 AM : Still laying in bed with my boyfriend. We are both checking our phones and we decide to get out of bed. My boyfriend takes a shower first (this is always the case) and meanwhile I post my Instagram post for the day.

11:20 AM : Boyfriend goes out to get some bread to eat for lunch and get ready.

11:40 AM : Boyfriend is back and we already start to eat because my boyfriend has to do something for school before he needs to go to class.

12:20 PM : I try to make a selfie but the lighting is off because of this horrific weather and I give up after a few minutes. I get bored and I start petting Frosty.

13 PM : Cuddling with le boyfriend

13:30 PM : Boyfriend takes off to class and I am alone. First I don’t really know what to do and I just start an Instagram session and like some of my bloggerfriends’ photos.

14:30 PM : The Instagram session got a little out of hand. It is really addictive at times (lol). But I decide to put on another sweater that looks better with my new pink raincoat. I put my hair in a ponytail and I put on some make-up. All ready to go!

15 PM : Locking the door of my apartment. It’s time to go on the hunt for some food. I decided to make some salmon/mango salsa wraps. But I needed ingredients so here I am walking through the streets of Ghent on a hunt for salmon and mango.

15:15 PM : I enter Albert Heijn and I start picking everything I need to make some dinner tonight. Where the fuck is the sour cream. I really can’t find it anywhere

15:25 PM : After 10 minutes of searching I find this little jar of sour cream. I take two of them. I also get this : Mango, Red onions, Avocado, Salmon, Lemon ( 5 minutes later : the person behind the cash register forgets to scan the lemon and I forget I even took one in the first place and after walking out of the store I realize that I don’t have my lemon. Reaction : I text my boyfriend if he can go buy a lemon after class). I also bought Peanut butter because that is kind of my new addiction at the moment also because I discovered that it isn’t making you fatter, it even helps you get more muscles when you work out after you ate some!

15:40 PM : walking home with the LA LA LAND soundtrack in my ears. I am trying to control myself because I am kind of dance-walking through the streets and I kind of look ridiculous. Not that I care but yeah, maybe I should stop.

16 PM : Back home and I decide to make myself some apple/ginger juice. I drank this in Father Carpenter in Berlin and now I am addicted to it.

16:30 PM : Juice is all done and I start writing THIS particular blogpost. (#mindfuck)

So that is what I already did today. This is what I am probably going to do for the rest of my day :

  • Exercise : video by Blogilates : probably the muffintops workout because I really need to get rid of mine.
  • Petting Frost.
  • Making dinner.
  • Looking at an episode of Jane the Virgin, Shadowhunter or The Vampire Diaries. (still deciding)
  • Making myself some fittea detox.
  • Watching ‘mijn pop-up restaurant’ = LITTLE DUTCH PART
    • wie is jouw favoriet?? Ik vind Madam P. super leuk en hun eten ziet er echt geweldig uit! Daar zou ik echt wel eens willen gaan eten. Meat en Griet gaan waarschijnlijk winnen volgens mij. Hun eten ziet er echt fantastisch uit en hun concept is super. Ook hun logo vind ik echt super origineel. En de gedrevenheid van Leena is zeer inspirerend. Ook Filly’s vind ik een super leuk concept en hun eten ziet er ook echt fantastisch uit. Hun Antwerps accent ergert me soms een klein beetje maar dat is echt het enige. Ik ben niet zo’n fan van Tjops omdat daar precies altijd zo een depressief sfeertje hangt. Ze spreken vrij eentonig en het ziet er niet echt naar uit dat ze plezier maken. Ik vind dat de jongens niet zo veel charisma hebben en dat is echt wel spijtig want hun concept is wel zeer goed gevonden. Ook vind ik dat het BBQ vlees niet mooi genoeg gepresenteerd is. Je zou echt iets veel leukers kunnen doen hiermee. Vooral ook het nagerecht vind ik niet zo goed doordacht. Een banaan met chocolade op de BBQ met een zelfgemaakt bolletje ijs in de plaats van wat ze nu hebben zou voor mij een groot verschil maken. Gewoon iets meer enthousiasme en originaliteit zou al stukken beter zijn! ūüôā Table O ben ik ook niet echt een super harde fan van. Het eten zal waarschijnlijk wel lekker zijn maar ik vind hun interieur niet echt gezellig en ik zou er zelf niet willen gaan eten. Vraag me niet waarom want ik weet het niet zo goed, maar hun pop-up spreekt me niet echt aan. Het vijfde element vind ik ook wel nog een leuk concept omdat ik persoonlijk heel erg graag verloren/vergeten groenten eet. Ik denk als ze dit nog ietsje meer uitwerken en het nog beter maken dat dit concept zeker een kans maakt. Emily lijkt me alleszins wel al een zeer goede gastvrouw, ookal is ze some een beetje TOO MUCH. ūüėÄ
  • SLEEEEEP : my favorite part of the day.

 

SO! this was my day in a nutshell. I hope you guys enjoyed my post. Tell me what you think about me doing a series of these kind of blogposts and go hit the follow button on my homepage (in the right bar) for more. You can also always leave a like.

Thanks for reading,

XOXO

Laura(Licious)

LauraLiciouss’ A-Z guide to Happiness

Hi guys! Today I will be posting a A-Z guide to Happiness. To make your lives easier and happier. Here we go!

A : ALWAYS stay true to who you are, what you want to be and where you want to go in your life. Don’t care about other people and their opinions. Only care about them if they are positive. If they are negative, the people saying them to you or behind your back are probably just pieces of shit.

B : BANANAS. Eat loads of them, it’s healthy and makes you feel happier.

C : CONFIDENCE. This is one of the most important words you need to remember. You need to believe in yourself, you need to believe that you are beautiful in your own way. And you are the best version of yourself, not what other people want you to be. (another potential C word is COFFEE, the smell of coffee just always puts a smile on your face.)

D : DREAM. Dare to Dream. And if you have a dream, go after it. It can only come true if you put some effort into it. (or DELETE : Delete toxic people from your life asap)

E : ENERGY. You need to try not to lock yourself up and get yourself to do things that you love. People with less energy are less happy. Get out there, life is too short to just stay at home.

F : FRIENDS. Everybody needs someone to¬†tell everything to. But be cautious. Not all friends are what they seem to be. Some of them can in fact be backstabbing. Be careful who you chose to be your friend. If you don’t feel comfortable or happy near your so-called friend, you’d probably be better of without her or him.

G : GOAL. You need to set some life goals. If you don’t have any goals in life, you are probably going to end up being miserable.

H : HARRY POTTER. Makes me happy every time. Can’t imagine it not making somebody happy.

I : INSPIRE. Try to do something with your life that inspires others. It feels so good if you are an inspiration to someone and it gives you an amazing feeling of accomplishment.

J : JAZZ. Thanks to the amazing movie LA LA LAND, I discovered that listening to Jazz actually does make you feel better. You should really give it a try.

K : KINDNESS. If you give kindness, the right people will give you kindness back. And it also makes you feel very good when you are kind to someone or help someone. Maybe you will have some GOOD KARMA in return for your kindness. WIN WIN.

L : LAUGH. The more you laugh, the better. This is the best thing there is in the world. You laugh when your happy, but you also feel happier when you are laughing. It’s scientifically proven, I mean it.

M : MUSIC. Do I really need to explain this one? No didn’t think so either.

N : NATURE. Take a walk outside, go to a forest or go for a run. Enjoy this amazing planet and try to realize that your problems are not so big as they might seem. Try to remember that we live on such an amazing and beautiful planet.

O : OPERA. haha lol no JUST KIDDING
OPTIMISE : Try to look on the bright side of life ( tuuduu tudu tudu tuduuuuu … Am I the only one singing this song right now)

P : PARENTS. A good relationship with your family and your parents will definitely have a big effect on your life. You always need to try to remember how important family is. Never take it for granted.

Q : QUIT. NEVER QUIT TOO SOON. You will regret it and this will not be positive for your happiness level.

R : ROADTRIP. If you don’t know what to do with yourself and you are very very down. Go on a road trip with the people you love. It will give¬†¬†you a lot of amazing smiles, laughs and memories.

S : SING SING SING. Singing makes everything better. Why do you think people shower so long? Because it is the best place to sing and let it all go. Just let yourself go in a song once in a while! You won’t regret it.

T : TALK. If you really feel bad. Talk about it to someone. Talking to someone about why you feel sad will always help. I know it from experience. But do talk to someone you trust. You don’t want the whole school to know about your problems, right?

U : UNICORNS. Always makes me smile lol.

V : VACATION. Feel sad? Go on a vacation to the sun and recharge!

W : WAFFLES. a MUST on your path to happiness

X : XMAS. Christmas is the happiest time of the year. Celebrate this amazing holiday with all of the people you love and it will bring you so much joy!

Y : YOLO. I know this is a stupid word but hear me out. You really do live once! Don’t let life pass you by! Do all of the things you want to do because your life can be over tomorrow. Live every day to its fullest

Z : ZEBRA. It’s just so cuuuute ūüôā

So these are my A-Z words you will need to be happy!

If you liked my post, leave a comment or a like and don’t forget to follow my blog!

XOXO

Laura ( LICIOUS)

10 000 Followers on Instagram…

Today I hit 10 000 followers on Instagram… I seriously can’t believe it. 10 000 people that like my pictures, that are interested in my life. If you had told me a few years ago that I would hit so many followers in 2017 on Instagram, I would’ve laughed so hard. Me, 10 000 followers, what kind of crazy person thinks I would ever be able to accomplish such a thing.

When I was younger I was bullied so hard, that I sometimes didn’t know who I was anymore. I was never good enough. I was always the laughing stock in school and always the person that bullies wanted to hurt. Don’t ask me why, because trust me I don’t know. I tried not to care about these bullies and most of the time it worked out. But the bullying got so hard that I even went to the police to report two boys for stalking. (not kidding).

There has been thrown paint on my driveway, me and my parents have been called in the middle of the night just to hear a person laughing on the other end of the line, people tried to force me to show my breasts in front of the webcam on msn via groupchat, … The list goes on and on and on. After I went to the police, the active bullying stopped. But the passive (talking behind the back and never talking to my face) bullying never stopped. And then there was this thing where my ex-boyfriend wanted to take advantage of me being vulnerable after my family’s big accident. He wanted to get me to have sex with him and when I told him he had to choose between being friends or being in a relationship. He chose to ignore me for almost a whole year. I got to a point in my life where everything was just black and dark. Thanks to my best friend I got out of that dark place and my boyfriend helped me make some difficult but necessary life changing decisions. For Example : I had to change from law school to psychology and I had to leave all of my friends behind.

Basically I kinda had a hard life. My life was a mess really, but I never stopped being myself. I have already told you guys that the bullies never got to my personality. I never changed my personality to fit in, nor my style. But it did affect my self-esteem a lot. I didn’t think I was good enough for anything and I thought I was ugly and that people hated me. Thanks to my mother and my amazing boyfriend, my self-esteem got a whole lot better but it is still not what it should be.

The only positive thing about the bullies and the shit in my life is that I ended up having a I don’t give a fuck what people think attitude. Last year in January, I discovered Instagram. I really liked making pictures and sharing stuff with other people, so this seemed the perfect opportunity for me to create a new hobby. At first there weren’t many likes, but I didn’t really care about that because I just loved posting things and sharing my world with other people. Then suddenly it all exploded. I began to get a lot of followers. I didn’t know what was happening when I hit 1K. OMG 1K, what?? How are there 1000 people interested in me?? I couldn’t believe it and I was very happy when this happened. People were interested in me being just, me.

The numbers kept coming and coming and eventually there were brands that started to contact me. Brands that wanted to give me free things in return for an instagram pic? Really? What is happening??

In June I posted a few photos of me in my bikini. The first pic I posted just exploded. I got so many likes and comments. I could not believe my eyes. And then, there were girls who started contacting me. Asking me how I have so much confidence, how did I have so much courage to post a picture of me in a bikini. There were so many girls that asked me for advice on confidence etc. I didn’t believe it at first. Me… the girl who got bullied her whole life, who got to very dark places in her head. People wanted to follow me, to befriend me, to talk to me and give me things. But I do have to say that I never accept free stuff if it isn’t part of my personality or my style. I want to stay true to myself throughout everything and I think everybody should do that!

I also started a blog and a youtube account throughout the whole process because I just really love to write and I adore making videos. I didn’t make a blog to have more followers, but because I had been writing since I was little. There are some people on Instagram, who don’t even like writing but who do start a blog. I don’t know why, I think it is for the followers and to get more collaborations with brands but this has never been the goal for me. I just love sharing my point of view and my stories with the rest for the world. Not to get anything out of it but just because I love writing!

Instagram has changed my life so much in so many aspects of my life. It made me realize that I am not stupid or lame or ugly. It enhanced my confidence and self-esteem. I have made new friendships and I have discovered new parts of my personality. I also discovered that some people only start talking to you again because of your follower count and I realized who I wanted to delete from my life. Some people are just toxic and if they don’t make you feel good about yourself, just hit the delete button. Life is to short to spend time on those people.

Instagram made me realize that I love posing for photos and that I love making pictures and sharing them with people who care. I had always loved fashion and style, but thanks to Instagram I discovered whole new parts of fashion that I didn’t know existed. It made me love fashion even more. It made me start blogging and it helped me write better. It gave me the little punch in the back to start youtube, and I am getting better at it every day.

Thanks to all of you guys I realized what I wanted in life and who I wanted to be. I opened up a lot more not only to my real friends and my boyfriend, but also to myself. I re-discovered myself and this whole experience made me happier than ever. Not because I like getting followers, but just because I discovered new parts of myself that I really like.

So I just want to thank you guys, for making all of this happen. You guys make me feel better about myself every hour of the day. Thank you so so so much for all of this. I do all of this not only for you guys, but also for myself. I really appreciate all of the love that I get from all of you and I will never forget this. If I can give you guys one tip, never stop being yourself. Even if everything is dark and life isn’t treating you well. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. I guess I am the perfect example. Just never give up on your dreams guys, dreams can do come true.

Thank you!

Love,

Laura

 

The day that changed my life.

I thought it was time to write about this.

06-07-2013

This day was amazing. We did an amazing safari, it started raining, but it was kinda fun. It was fun jumping around in the rain with my family. I felt really happy at that particular moment. I don’t know why, but I have this feeling of extreme happiness. Despite the fact that I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago, I feel really happy. I am going to have an amazing new life now. I just graduated, I am going to university, I am going to make some new friends, I am going to find the love of my life even though I thought I already found him. But he wasn’t the one, I still have feelings for him but he isn’t good for me. He always made me cry and feel bad about myself and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. The one is still out there, at least I hope sow. I am so extremely wet from the rain. Luckily we have an experienced driver because driving in a storm like this is kinda dangerous.

The rain is hitting the car so hard, it almost sounds like little stones that are thrown at our car. And the sound of the thunder isn’t really comforting at all. But I feel very happy and nothing can destroy my happiness at this moment. I am in Sri Lanka with my family and it is only the beginning of the vacation. I haven’t felt this happy in years. My life is finally falling into place. I put on some Taylor Swift music and I fall asleep in the car.

I feel a hard clap. I don’t know what is happening to me. Everything is in slow motion and it feels like I am spinning. Everything is going so slow. Am I dreaming? What is going on? I hear the extremely painful sound of windows breaking but I don’t see anything. Only black is the color my eyes seem to see. And suddenly everything stops. Bang.¬†¬†everything turns silent except for one sound. The sound of a car horn that just keeps on going. The sound is so loud that it penetrates my brain. This is the only thing my senses seem to pick up…

I am standing outside. With my feet in the river. I don’t know how I got here, I don’t seem to remember anything. I see my camera bag and heaven blue vans floating besides me on the water. My brother is standing next to me. He is hyperventilating and I see an extreme amount of blood running down his leg. I hear my father moaning in the background. I look left of me and I see my mom lying on the bank of the river. I see this look in her eyes, I have never seen it before. It looks like she has seen death. I don’t even recognize my mother for a second. When my ears finally stop making this awful peeping sound, I look up and I see it. Our mini-van. It fell of a bridge in to the river and there seems to be not a lot left of it. The sound of the horn keeps on going. My dad is walking around the wreck, crying and screaming my other brother’s name. It immediately strikes me. My brother is dead.

That is why my younger brother next to me is screaming. Without thinking for a second, I start screaming as well. There are Sri Lankan people everywhere filming everything with their phones. They aren’t helping at all, they are looking at this accident through their phones and thinking about putting it on youtube and getting loads of views. I don’t really feel anything, but an extreme sense of pain in my body. Not physical, but mental pain. After a while I try and take matters in to my own hands. When it becomes clear that my older brother is actually alive, I realise that everything is worth saving. They brought my brother to the hospital. Now it is my job to take care of my younger brother and mother, since my father went to the hospital already. There is a man, he can’t speak any english and the only thing he can say is “me get you to hospital”. We try and drag my mother of the shore. But since we fell 4 meters of a bridge, this is¬†a very difficult task. We finally get her in to the pick-up truck. My brother is still in shock and he needs to sit in the back, in the open part of the car. I try to hold his hand through a tiny little window in the back of the car. My mother. It seems as if she could stop breathing any minute. I start telling her, that she still needs to see me get married, that she still needs to play with her grand children. But she can’t talk. I am convinced that I will go home without a mother. I start screaming to the driver that he needs to drive faster. My mother tries to say something but she can’t find the air to do so. After the longest drive of my life, we finally arrive at the hospital. They lay my mother down and they go away with her. They take my brother away from me, because he needs to be in the male section of the hospital. Everyone asks me questions. I don’t know how to answer them and finally they notice that I am also not feeling okay. At that moment, the physical pain. I feel very sick and everything is spinning. I can barely speak because of the pain in my head. It hurts when I try to open my mouth. They put me in a wheelchair and then I see my older brother. He can’t talk, and he has that same look in his eyes as my mother. I can just reach him with my hand and our hands touch for a minor second. He is taken to the intensive care and they need to operate him because he has mud in his lungs. After our paths split, I am strolled to the women section of the hospital, where I find my mother. They lay me down on my bed and I see cats and dogs walking in the corridor. I see dogs sleeping under the beds next to me. There are at least 30 women in this room, some seem to be in a lot of pain. There are all kinds of insects flying around everywhere and I don’t know where everybody is besides my mother. Nobody speaks english, my mother is in a lot of pain and I don’t know where my father is… I start hitting myself, because I just want to wake up from this nightmare. But nothing seems to work… This is for real.

I thought my happiness could not get destroyed, but I never imagined that something like this would ever happen to me. This made me see everything in perspective. I lost a lot of friends throughout the whole process of getting home. I thought that there were going to be a lot of people worried about me. But that wasn’t the case. Not even my EX-boyfriend, who I still had feelings for and with whom I was in a relationship for 8 months, didn’t really care like he should have. He even took advantage of my being fucked up when I got home. It made me realize that in the end, there are always going to be people that aren’t really there for you. I realized that life, it can be over in the blink of an eye. It can stop at any moment, and you really need to enjoy every little thing on earth as much as you can. Erase toxic people from your life, and trust only those who are real friends. There are so many things that people tend to worry about. Not getting ready for exams, your best friend doesn’t text you as much as you’d like to or your parents don’t want you to go to that party. When something like this happens to you, you realize that that doesn’t even matter. It is very hard not to worry about some of these things once in a while, hell even I have problems with that sometimes. But please try to remember that your world is probably one of the best versions of a life there is. There are people who don’t even have a father anymore, so why fight so much with your parents. There are people who don’t even have a home, so does it really matter that you can’t buy that piece of furniture you want? There are people who can’t even walk, so do you really need to be angry because you need to wake up at 7 on a Sunday morning to go to the bakery because your mother asked you to.

Life can be over any second, so why make life so complicated. Just do what you want, what you like. Don’t care about what people say behind your back, don’t care about what people think. Don’t care about if something doesn’t go the way it plans, don’t try to beat yourself up when you can’t write that paper right away. Don’t tell yourself that you are not pretty, that you need to be skinnier. Go buy that fucking hamburger instead of that salad, if that is what makes you smile.

Because at the end of the day, what matters most, is the smile on your face when you go to sleep.

My Christmas Wishlist 2016 (UPDATED)

Well, Hello there!

I am already in full Christmas mood and I started thinking about what I want to have for christmas. Today, I’m going to tell you guys which things I’d like to see under the christmas tree. I hope I give you some inspo for presents, because I know how hard it can sometimes be when people ask you what you want for christmas. I always forget everything I want instantly. So here are some of the things I’d really like to unwrap on christmas eve.

FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM 

So I saw the movie and I loved it. I had that same magic feeling I got with “Harry Potter” movies. Although the “Harry Potter” movies will always have a more special place in my heart, I really like the movie! The fact that this movie took place in New York and the fact that there isn’t any Hogwarts in it, made it less good than the original “Harry Potter saga” but you know, I don’t think anything¬†is better than the original “Harry Potter saga” so haha ;). You guys should know by now that I really love collecting “Harry Potter” props. And I would love¬†to have the Newt Scamander wand or the collection of all the “Fantastic Beasts” Wands. (I love Queenie so much!). Just anything “Harry Potter” or “Fantastic Beasts” related is always a good idea! These are the wands I’d like to have :

  • Seraphina Picquery’s wand ( I really love this one!!)
  • Queenie’s wand
  • Newt Scamander’s wand (obviously!)

INTERIOR 

You would also make me very happy with some new bedding or other fun interior decoration stuff for in my room! I really like the Zoella lifestyle collection!! It has very nice quotes, colors and it isn’t that expensive! And the fact that she is my role model is a big plus ūüėČ

A HANDBAG 

I really like the brand Liu Jo and I would really like to have a new handbag because all of my other handbags are a bit old. This would be a gift that makes me very happy! I would love to find a new winter themed handbag under my christmas tree this year. It would be very nice to walk around with it in Berlin in February!

CHRISTMAS THEMED LUSH COSMETICS

So. As you guys ¬†should already know, I am a huge fan of LUSH. I really like taking baths and treating myself to some relaxation and cute bath products. And there isn’t anything cuter than a LUSH CHRISTMAS bath bomb or shower gel. The Lush Christmas collection is already in stores and I fell in love with every single one of their products. They are very original this year and some of them are extremely cute! They also smell amazing, each and every single one of them. So, if you want to make me happy, you can always buy one of those cute christmas lush presents with christmas themed lush products in them. NOTE : I really want the christmas themed products because they change each year and I really want to try all of them out!

GLITTER MACBOOK  CASE

I am in LOVE with glitter at the moment. I have always loved glitter, pink and other girly stuff but at this particular moment, I am in love with the sparkle. I want it on everything. On my clothes, on my watch, on my shoes and on my nails. Recently I came across this glitter macbook case and I fell in love with it immediately. I really really want this so bad. I know that it is very girly but I don’t care. You only live once right!

GO PRO ACCESSORIES 

I really like to make movies and filming is one of my favorite things to do in my free time. This is something you can always make me happy with because you can never have enough accessories for GoPro. I am going to Berlin and Vietnam next year, so I would be very grateful for one of these products!

So I took a look around and there are 3 GoPro Accesories that I’d like to have!¬†

  • Go Pro : the frame = this is very handy because this way I can vlog with my go pro¬†
  • A GoPro selfie stick
  • A floating stick for my Go Pro

TOUCHSCREEN GLOVES

Because I am going to Berlin in February and it is very cold out there, I will be needing gloves. And because I am a blogger, and I like to take pictures of everything when I am on a trip, I need to be able to touch my screen. One plus one equals these babies. I think they are an amazing invention, but sadly my touchscreen gloves are too old and I need new ones. This is a necessity and I would be very happy with a pair of these.

DOUTZEN STORIES BY HUNKERM√ĖLLER : SLIPDRESS LACE

The Doutzen Kroes collection is amazing! I really love the lace slipdress and this is something which is definitely on my Wishlist! I tried it on this week and I fell in love. I really hope that this item will be under my christmas tree. I also really like any other of the hunkermöller cosy clothes. You can always put a smile on my face with a pair of cosy socks or a cosy pyjama.

DOLCE & GABBANA : DOLCE ROSA THE PERFUME 

This is a perfume that I have wanted for a long time. I really like the Dolce & Gabbana perfumes and I love the smell of roses. I smelled this perfume once in the perfume store and I wanted to go ahead and just steal it! I would really like to have this perfume!

CLOTHES

You can always make me happy with clothes or gift cards to my favorite shops. I LOVE to put on the most princess-y dresses I can find on christmas and new year’s, so if you buy my any of these kind of dresses to wear on christmas day, I will be very happy! I don’t know which ones I love the most this year because I haven’t looked for it yet, but I will definitely go on a hunt for some pretty christmas dresses. I also really love christmas sweaters or any other cosy sweaters. What also caught my eye, is a leather vest ¬†or jeans vest with white fur! It is really pretty and that would be really nice to get on christmas eve. My favorite brands are Mango and Zara, and I found some amazing clothes in And Other stories this week too (definitely worth the look).

 

This is about everything I would love to have, that I can think of right now, under my christmas tree. There are probably a lot more things that I would like to have and I will update this post when I think of something else!

I hope I gave you guys some inspiration!!

 

XOXO

Laura (Licious)