Hi there! Sorry for the long time no see, but I’ve just been really busy. This blogpost is going to be a little deeper.
About one month ago I posted a bikini picture of myself on instagram. It got a lot of positive reactions. It got over 1500 likes and over 150 comments! There were a lot of girls who started looking up to me from that moment because of my confidence. “You are my hero”, “finally a girl with a NORMAL body”, “I love your confidence”. I didn’t expect this photo to be so huge but that’s how it turned out. Since that moment I have gotten a lot of private messages from girls who are unconfident. They told me that they looked up to me and they asked me how I do it. How am I so confident in this hard world. These girls told me that they don’t feel pretty, that they sometimes don’t like who they are. I always try to give them my advice and try to tell them that everyone is beautiful in their own way. But since I’ve gotten so many messages I thought it would be nice for you guys, maybe for people who are too scared to message me, to write a blog about confidence.
What does confidence mean? Being happy with who you are. Not caring about what people say about you. Never changing who you are just to fit in. It is really hard sometimes to just be yourself because you are scared that people might judge you. Don’t get me wrong, there are always going to be people who judge, who hate and who are jealous. The thing is, you need to learn how to just shut those people out. You need to learn how to NOT care about these people. These people are the kind of people who can’t handle it when an individual is unique. They can’t handle it when other people have their own style. They start to talk behind your back, not only because they are secretly jealous of the people being themselves but also because it is a part of the human nature to find something or someone to talk about. And especially the jealous, bored, insecure humans of the world (who btw also probably have an IQ below average) are going to look for a prey.
I have always tried to stay me. It is really hard sometimes. I wasn’t popular in school, boys didn’t like me or stopped liking me because of gossip. I didn’t have a lot of friends and sometimes I cried after school. It was really hard not to just go with it. But it was against my nature to be someone I wasn’t. I didn’t want to change my personality for some more friends, or some less gossip. But trust me! It is better to just be yourself, have 2 REAL friends and be happy with who you are. After a while, I didn’t hear the voices in the hallway of my school anymore. I knew that I was going to show them, one day, that they were wrong.
Now I have 8000 + followers on instagram and people who look up to me. But you guys need to know, that I am just like you. I also have been bullied, I also go through rough times sometimes. I have had my fair share of pain. But through everything I stayed me. That is the key to confidence.
First of all, you need to realise that the people judging you and hating you have way more insecurities than you have. They are usually jealous of you. They don’t know who they are, and when they see that you have everything figured out, they get jealous and they want to destroy your happiness. The people bullying you, most of the time, are so insecure that they just hate on people who look happy. They don’t know who they are, what their style is, who they want to be and what their life is going to look like. They live in their bubble of hate and hate on everything that doesn’t fit in with the rest. Because they don’t want to be popped out of their naive dream bubble. When they see someone who has everything figured out, who knows who she/he is, who is happy with how she/he looks. They wake up from their dream. They don’t like this so they go for the kill. Remember that!
Second. This is really hard, but you guys need to realize that everyone is beautiful in their own way. If you want to change yourself do it for the right reasons. Do it for you, not for some ideals. Not for the magazine photos. For example, if you want to be skinnier, do it because you want to change for yourself, because you want to be healthier. Please, don’t do it because other people don’t like you the way you are. They are always going to find something new to gossip about. And you know what, life is too short to think about what other people think! Just be yourself, enjoy life, let people be their jealous selves. All that matters is that you are happy with who you are, not for other people but just for you. Just realise that you can’t change the way you are, and that you are beautiful and amazing just the way you are (Yay bruno mars 😉 ).
One day all the haters will realise that they were wrong about you. It is better to try and show them that they are wrong then to be consumed by their gossip. I see it this way. Their are 2 roads you can take, the very smooth flat one. No bumps in the road and just going easy. It is nice to drive on these roads or walk on these roads, but you will never really find out who you are. The other road is a road with a lot of bumps, dangerous bridges, mud and sometimes storms on the way. This road is harder to walk, but you WILL have an adventure and you will have experiences that will teach you who you are. You will discover who you are and when you get to the end, you are going to be so much more happy, satisfied and proud that you took the harder road. You, in contrast to the smooth road, will be a lot happier in the end than the people who never find their true selves.
Never start believing them and never ever think that they are better then you. When you don’t let them win and show them they are wrong, YOU are better than THEM!
Third. Instagram is an amazing app, an amazing place where you can discover new styles and get to know new people. But NEVER feel less about yourself because you think you see the amazing lives of bloggers and celebs. Bloggers and celebs are normal people just like you. They go through rough times and they have some bad moments in their life.
It might seem that I’m extremely confident, but actually I have a lot of insecurities. I don’t trust people very fast, I am scared that I will not be good enough in school. I am a perfectionist and that’s not always something good. I also sometimes don’t like my lovehandles and my cellulite. It is really hard to try and learn to live with yourself and try not to let people influence you as a person. It is hard not to change your style because EVERYBODY DOES IT. There is no shame in updating your style as long as you are updating it because you like it, not because you want to look like an instagram girl. It is always going to look like you are trying to hard that way.
Insecurities are painful. They make you cry sometimes. But everyone is insecure sometimes, that’s what makes you human. But please, LOVE YOURSELF! It breaks my heart when people message me and say that they are insecure, that they are not liked in school because they don’t follow the popularity rules. But take me as an example! I was bullied and talked about from kindergarten till the end of high school. I was weird, I didn’t drink enough to be cool enough, I didn’t wear the right shoes, my grades were good, I didn’t come to school with a handbag and straightened hair, I was too close with my family and I was too shy and vulnerable. I had just 3 friends and everyone liked to talk behind my back at school. Now, I have an amazing boyfriend, a lot of friends, all the pets I want, I have an instagram with over 8000 followers, people are looking up to who I am and to my confidence, I’m killing it in university and I just started a youtube channel without caring what people might think. Some girls say, they want to be like me. But how do you think that I have all of this now? I stopped caring about other people in the world and I started to do the things I love without worrying about gossip. Why not wear those shoes if you like them, why not begin with instagram if you like it, why not start a youtube channel? The people talking behind my back are now extremely friendly to me, because they realise THEY WERE WRONG!
Just do what makes you happy, don’t let others get to you and don’t compare yourself to other people!
I hope I helped you guys feel a little better. If you want some more peptalk or advice you can always sent me a message on instagram or e-mail me (firstname.lastname@example.org).
See you next time